Change

All of my life I have wanted a calling. I'm not exaggerating when I say this. Like some kids want to be writers or astronauts, I simply wanted a purpose. The Purpose. Whatever it was. Well, while those other kids kept dreaming their dreams, then working on achieving them or giving them up, I kept waiting to be smacked in the face by The Purpose.

Surprisingly enough, this never happened.

Sure, I had dreams of my own. I wanted to be a writer, an actor, an artist, a paleontologist, an archaeologist, a bio-engineer, a potter, a journalist, a photographer, a fashion designer, a teacher; the list goes on. But one by one I ruled all those dreams out. They were either too impractical or not prestigious enough or too hard to achieve or I wasn't convinced I'd want to do that One Thing for the rest of my life, until after a while, I wasn't really left with any dreams at all. So I grabbed a hold of the first thing that caught my eye--the first thing that made me think "Well, this doesn't make me want to shoot myself."

Now I'm 23, just graduated from college (UCSC with a degree in Film & Digital Media), I'm working at a job others would kill to have (Production Assistant at Warner Bros.) and I'm just not happy. It's not that I hate my job or that I don't like the field that I'm in, it's just that I have no idea where I'm going, and if you asked me what I'd really like to be doing, I couldn't begin to tell you. My job at the moment is fixed term; I get one year and then I'm out. And I'm supposed to figure out what direction to go in ASAP (because my year runs out in August) and I'm just... stuck. Fucking stuck. And it's driving me crazy. Bloody fucking crazy.

So I've decided it's time for a change.